The thing is\u2026every time I heard one of these stories, I couldn\u2019t understand how this kind of tragedy could take place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t just leaving a baby in the dumpster that baffled me \u2013 as horrible as that was. It was hearing how, in many cases, these gals claimed that they were not even aware that they were pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do you reach full-term without realizing you\u2019re pregnant? (I\u2019ve been pregnant TWICE. It was brutal. I can\u2019t imagine not noticing that.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I simply could not comprehend how someone could be so out of touch with her own body and reality that something like this could occur. That a woman could go through such a transformative and life-altering experience with no awareness of it for nine months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Was she simply in denial? Or was she so uneducated that she didn\u2019t even know what was happening to her body?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Until now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m 50. Sitting on the cusp of menopause. Or at least I assume I am.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I have been reading books about this stage of life since I was in my early 30\u2019s. I don\u2019t know what sparked my curiosity about menopause at such an early age. Or why I have had such a conscious awareness of the importance of this stage of life for so long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mine is really the first generation that truly speaks out about the symptoms leading up to menopause in daily conversation. I don\u2019t think my Grandma had the luxury of lamenting with friends over a glass of wine at dinner about hot flashes, sore breasts, forgetfulness or vaginal dryness \u2013 topics we now laugh about as standard protocol to be expected\u2026and accepted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, thanks to science, we can pop pills to get us through it all. Just the right customized package of hormones and we can tough it out and make it to the other side where, as women of a certain age, we can don a big purple hat and become invisible all at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I had this crazy idea that many of our menopause symptoms are preventable and could be minimized. That menopause was meant to be an empowering transition. A profound one. One that helps shift us from our role as mothers \u2013 to our role as leaders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not something we are supposed to \u2018suffer through\u2019 and be beaten up by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I wondered if the physical symptoms so many women are experiencing during perimenopause might be more \u2018problematic\u2019 than \u2018profound\u2019 because our health is suffering. That these symptoms were more like a \u2018wake-up call\u2019. A smackdown of sorts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That throughout all of the years of caring for others, women had sacrificed their own health in the process and that these common symptoms of perimenopause might just be a period of time in our lives where our bodies say, \u201cHey, it\u2019s my turn! Pick me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, these crazy ideas were just a theory. I was only in my thirties when they first started stirring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What did I know?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I quietly set forth to see what the transition to menopause would look like for someone who really focused on being as healthy as possible \u2013 not just today. But every day. For 10 years. 15 years. 20 years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I wanted to know. (Be careful what you ask for, you just might get an answer.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n While I\u2019m still in the process, I just want to share with you what I\u2019m learning. In real time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n First of all, I was right.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Being healthy definitely helps. My symptoms are pretty minimal compared to most friends my age. I don\u2019t have hot flashes, night sweats or any of the other typical stuff I hear others complain about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe I will. I don\u2019t know. I\u2019ll keep you posted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t get me wrong. I am definitely<\/strong> going through a transition, but it\u2019s different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve had hints of all of the traditional symptoms\u2026but each time one of them appears, it\u2019s usually because I have disregarded some important aspect of my health \u2013 exercise, nutrition, stress management. I use the sign as a time to be more intentional with my healthy habits. To make adjustments. To get back on track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, the symptoms go away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But\u2026that\u2019s not what this post is about. It\u2019s something deeper than that. I feel like my physical symptoms are more of a distraction from what\u2019s really going on and that the better I care for myself, the more it is revealed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you get the physical stuff out of the way\u2026there is a whole other layer of transformation. And, I\u2019m witnessing it firsthand. In real-time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A physical transformation \u2013 yes. But, also one that is SO clearly tied to something greater than me and my physicality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alone.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I feel like I am experiencing the most profound birthing experience. Like new life is coming through me. And, I have this intense awareness that nothing will EVER be the same.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n But, the room is not full of family and loved ones like it was when I gave birth to my daughters. There is no doula present. No one is holding my hand or helping me breathe through the contractions. There is no professional personnel on hand as backup in case of emergency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is no one waiting with excitement for this wonderful little miracle that is about to join the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I really can\u2019t even put it into words just yet. I\u2019m still birthing. But, I just wanted to share my experience and what I’m learning from it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n At some deep level, I now understand how women end up nine months in and unaware of their pregnancy. I understand how women end up leaving their babies in dumpsters \u2013 completely unprepared and at a loss for what to do. I can see how that happens. The total disconnect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The one that calls us to a completely new role. A new position in the world. One that gives birth to the future. Strength. Wisdom. Leadership. Purpose. Bravery. Power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s because we\u2019re not talking<\/strong> about it. Not enough.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re not sharing <\/strong>our experiences. Deep enough.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re not creating ceremonies and rituals <\/strong>around this milestone. Holy enough.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re not holding women in high regard t<\/strong>hrough this period of time. Worthy enough.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n How are women supposed to know the true gift and purpose of this stage? (Especially when most of us are buried in symptoms that appear to weaken us.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Men can\u2019t help. They don\u2019t know. (And, if they did know, it would just scare the shit out of them!)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Where are the midwives? Where do we learn about the life force we possess? The mission we have as leaders in our second half of life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n As we approach menopause \u2013 we openly lament our physical discomforts and struggle to \u2018balance our hormones\u2019. We don\u2019t, however, talk about real transformation\u2026the soul-searching that happens during this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n About how we struggle because we can no longer make ourselves do those things we are \u2018supposed to do\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How all of the things we used to do for others\u2026 the things we \u2018preached\u2019 to our children\u2026 \u201cEat your vegetables. Exercise. Sleep. Take care of yourself first. Do what you love. Find your passion.\u201d \u2026 we can\u2019t even muster up to do for ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, we definitely don\u2019t discuss or acknowledge the miracle that is taking place.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The baby.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The new life that is birthing.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n We don\u2019t talk about the process. Or what to expect or how to manage the pain. Or positions that might make it easier. Or how to communicate with those we love so they can best support us through this magical and profound transition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or how. to. breathe.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n And, we don\u2019t circle around women at this age and support them with showers and gifts and celebrations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All of this \u2013 while our little miracles are born.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And, like those young girls who find themselves giving birth alone, I fear that too many of us never even recognize or connect with this new life that\u2019s coming through us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We simply leave it at the dumpster and walk away with a hole in our hearts. Wondering what just happened. And, how will we manage to go back to life as we knew it and go on as if it never happened?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\nI could never wrap my brain around what that must be like for her. Or how we as a society let her down.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
But, something about all of this didn\u2019t ring true for me.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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What would the whole transition look like for someone who was physically and emotionally healthy? Would it be different?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
And, for the first time in my life, I identify with that young girl giving birth.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s for the very same reason so many women my age are walking around completely unaware of the profound transformation that is going on inside of them.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Are we just supposed to just figure it all out on our own?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How something in you pulls you so powerfully to expand and grow. To stretch beyond what is physically possible.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n